Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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