I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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