Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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