then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize