So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
