dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
