got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
