Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
