Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
