Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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