Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
