That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
