eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
