Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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