i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
