I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
