I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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