remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize