she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
