We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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