Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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