all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
