They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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