some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
