YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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