I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
