i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She needs sedatives and a leash
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
