Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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