I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just pee around me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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