He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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