yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
