I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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