Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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