Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
