i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
