Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize