Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
