you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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