im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize