So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
