oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
