i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
