Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
