its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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