Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
