I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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