He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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