my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
