I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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