Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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