his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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