bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
