Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize