As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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