Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
