I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
