I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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