he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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