Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish I only lived at night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
