eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
