he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
