whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
