good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
