lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
