Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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