She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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