his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
