I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Randomize
