No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
