my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
