I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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