oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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