I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
